Tips, to help with festive frolics;
For burnt batteries, try sticky black or red rice; filled with anti-inflammatory anthocyanins, antioxidants, and energy-boosting B Vitamins for your body. We particularly love B3, the vitamin responsible for lifting mood (like day dreaming about Dominic West, or making teeny changes to Donald Trump’s Wikipedia page).
When you feel like horsing into a tin of Quality Street, try whizzing the flesh of 1 soft avocado with 3 tablespoons of cacao, 1 tablespoon of nutbutter, splash of soya sauce and nip of maple syrup into a supersonic anti-cholesterol mousse. Score.
Tired? Try juicing ginger into lemon and water. No juicer? No problem. Peel some fresh ginger, freeze it for 20 minutes, and grate into water with a squeeze of lemon or apple juice. Add a pinch of cayenne to get your blood beating like a voodoo drum.
Hungover? Try 1 tablespoon of certified spirulina powder with a small glass of fresh apple juice. This will help keep your liver on speaking terms with you. Bigly. (Although, your taste buds will understandably revolt).
When your body feels like a petri dish, get some raw garlic into you. Mix with olive oil and tumble onto a toasted wedge of sourdough. Avoid obvious stimulants – coffee, Nigel Farage, and Xmas FM – which only worsen your condition.
Man, woman, or hybrid; you need this stuff on your skin to make it sing louder than Kylie’s. Hand-made in microbatches on the west coast of Ireland. Special order via Twitter. Wizardry.
When your digestion conks out, try eating sauerkraut, kimchi, papaya or pineapple before every meal. Crazy shit, but it works.
Don’t forget to check out my exclusive Christmas spread in the Sunday Independent, out December 11th.
Fa la la la lahhh …