Susan Jane

Our mouths are a temple of magnificence. Did you know that saliva contains a painkiller stronger than morphine? No wonder kissing is so goddamn enjoyable. This ‘home-brew’ morphine is called opiorphin. Sadly we only produce reasonable amounts of opiorphin, but even a small bit can be mind-blowingly effective.

When we chew, we produce more saliva, and with it, more home-brew painkiller (horrah!). This can help explain why eating often alleviates a sore throat. A delicious paradox?

These simple cough drops (video below) are enough to ramp up your salivary defenses. Each one is designed to elicit a decent dose of GYO analgesic substances. On top of that, there’s a swag of sonic fresh ingredients – raw honey, organic virgin coconut oil, turmeric, ginger, probiotics. They put the super into superfood.

So give them a go. Here’s a video of the recipe I made with Bio Kult #collaboration. Aside from all that nutritional yahyah, they taste pretty cosmic.

Makes 20-30, depending on ice cube tray

1 small finger of fresh turmeric, peeled

Thumb-sized piece of fresh ginger, peeled

3-5 rough tablespoons extra virgin coconut oil

125g jar of raw honey (set is best)

Up to 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon (optional)

Twist of black pepper (adults only)

8 capsules multi-strain live bacteria supplement (I used Bio-Kult)

1 Finely grate the peeled ginger and turmeric and add to the bowl of a food processor. I find this process easier when using frozen ginger and frozen turmeric as it tends to be less fibrous. It’s not an exact science, so leave out the turmeric if it’s tricky to find, or add more/less ginger to suit your taste buds.

2 Tumble in remaining ingredients and whip together until the mixture resembles body balm. Taste and see if you like it – adjust the spices to suit your preferences.

3 Using a plastic knife, spread the mixture into a silicone ice cube tray and freeze until set. You can transfer the lozenges into a marked glass jar and store in the freezer until needed. Then pop one in your mouth and party.

We’ve been obsessed with chestnut soup lately. I’m pretty sure my body mass is 40% chestnut right now.

This is the perfect soup for a Christmas starter or evenings by the fire. We ladle it into mugs and serve it with hunks of hot sourdough. The reverie is palpable, like a toddler with a Twix.

Here’s a video of me making it on live TV earlier this week (yes, I said bollox), or a shorter Instagram video to give you an idea of how insanely easy it is.

3 white onions
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 fat garlic cloves, crushed
250g cooked chestnuts (from a vacuum pack)
700ml veggie stock

Peel and roughly chop your onions. Ditch the skin.

In your largest pot, warm some olive oil over a gentle flame and tumble in the chopped onions. Sweat for 10 minutes, until the onions are translucent and sweet. (video link below).

At this point, add the garlic and cook for a further 3 minutes.

Let the chestnuts and stock join the party. Fire up to a simmer and allow to putt-putter for 10-25 minutes.

Blitz in a blender until lusciously smooth, being careful not to scald yourself. I usually wait for the soup to cool down before using my blender.

Serve in dinky little espresso cups as a starter for loads of guests, or freeze in individual portions for another night. It’s worth remembering not to fill your jar or container fully with liquid if you plan on freezing (to avoid breakages). Fa la la la lahhhh …

From page 162 of Clever Batch cookbook . Have a merry Christmas friends! Know anyone who loves eating, but hates cooking? This might be the most perfect Christmas gift for them …

This vegetarian korma is immensely satisfying. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy meat. But I find myself wondering whether future generations will look back and yack at the idea of supermarkets selling solid lumps of animal flesh. If you arrived on Earth today and saw how we dismembered other living creatures, then sold them in plastic trays, you’d think that we were greasy psychopaths.

But for now, the mass manufacturing of meat limbs seems perfectly acceptable. Strange, eh? (Come to think of it, we’d probably find our obsession with Wow Brows and golf equally disquieting.)

If society’s relationship with factory meat seems disturbing, could we start buying less of it? Give sales a massive wedgie? I’d love to see footfall directed back into our butchers, where it mindfully and respectfully belongs. We’d also be doing our wallet, our health and our environment a whopping great service. Look, I’m pretty caffeinated right now, and this roasted cauli korma is making me disproportionately happy. Try it.

Serves 6

1 head of cauliflower

1 small head of Romanesco cauliflower (or another head of the regular variety if this is tricky to find)

4 tablespoons coconut oil or ghee

3 onions, diced

8 garlic cloves, diced

1 large finger-sized piece of fresh ginger, peeled and grated

25g Indian korma dried spice mix

6 ripe cooking tomatoes (e.g. Roma), chopped

1 x 400ml tin of full-fat coconut milk

1 large cup of Greek yogurt

2 tablespoons maple syrup

Handful of raisins, to serve

Smashed pistachios, to serve

Wedges of lime, to serve

Fire up your oven to 220°C.

Prep your cauli pieces by removing the outer leaves from both heads of cauliflower and carefully slicing the arse off their stems. Compost these (they don’t make good stock – too much sulphur). Break your cauliflower into good-sized florets – not too small, but not too monstrous either. The Romanesco variety will need more stem trimming, but you can add these pieces onto your baking tray too. They taste just as good.

Jumble your florets onto two baking trays (or one large tray) with a lick of coconut oil or ghee and roast on high for 16–20 minutes, shaking halfway through to prevent them from sticking to the tray. You’re looking for a lightly charred, golden floret that still holds its shape and bite.

While the cauli cooks, get going on your korma. Using your biggest casserole or stockpot, sweat your onions with 2 tablespoons of your preferred choice of fat for 5 minutes before adding the garlic, ginger and korma spices. Stir until the garlic starts to colour.

Now add the fresh tomatoes, coconut milk, yogurt and maple syrup. Gently putter on a low heat for 15 minutes, until the cauli florets are ready – at which point, simply rocket in the roasted cauli and cook for another 5–10 minutes.

If you have time, heat a frying pan with the remaining 1-2 tablespoons of coconut oil or ghee and add a handful of raisins. Stir until they turn chewy on the outside and are swollen on the inside. Sprinkle on top of your korma alongside some smashed pistachios and wedges of lime. Serve with brown basmati rice or steamed baby potatoes.